You can sleep when you're dead
by Damnthenamedoesntfit
Summary: The phrase is complete bullshit. Reincarnation is not sleeping. She really needed to whoop the guy's ass who thought of the phrase. What an asshole.
1. Chapter 1

Pain.

Hands pressing down on her wounds.

_Ow, you ass. That hurts._

Blood.

"She's not gonna make it!"

Gunfire.

_Run you stupid boy. They're coming._

"Stay with me Shiba!"

_Its my fault. I deserve it. I lead you into an ambush._

"Taichou!"

It didn't hurt anymore. Everything was numb.

Her squad. She'll miss them.

_I'm sorry._

* * *

Darkness.

Warm.

Safe.

* * *

Screaming.

Squeezing.

"Push!"

_You've got to be fucking kidding me._

* * *

Shiba Chizuki was currently wrapped in soft blankets in the body of an infant, staring up at the ceiling of her new home. She wanted to scream and shove the middle finger up at the universe because _this wasn't supposed to happen._

'You can sleep when you're dead' her reincarnated ass. She would always wonder what she did wrong in her past life to deserve this.

She was brought out of her musings when a face appeared in her vision. Her new mother cooed at her and picked her up. She was odd, but she was pretty. Her mother had long snow white hair, and deep blue eyes and her face was adorned with a loving smile as she was brought into her arms and given a cuddle.

_Her hugs are nice._

The woman pointed at herself. "Kaa-chan." She then pointed at Chizuki. "Yurei."

And all the nice thoughts about the woman halted.

_NO. My name is Chizuki._

A man had entered the room. Her father had short cropped platinum blonde hair, and ocean green eyes. He had a scar running across his face from his right cheek, across his nose, and down his left cheek. He wore a green flak jacket and a metal headband tied around his forehead.

He strode towards them with the grace of a of a cat, wrapping his arms around the both of them. "Shirohime, how is Yurei-chan?"

_My name is not Yurei._

The woman smiled, "I think she likes her new name, Taiyo."

_No I fucking don't._

"Really? That's great!"

Chizuki tried to morph her face into a frown, a sneer, something to show her displeasure, only to find that her face felt like she was injected with Botox (or what she assumed felt like Botox). Unable to move her facial muscles, she struggled to lift her arms from it's fluffy prison and slap the ass wipe in the face, something extremely hard to do with the motor control of a drunk sloth.

Her chubby arm was only able to wriggle itself out of the blankets and tap the man on the nose with a ridiculously squishy palm. Unfortunately for Chizuki, the man took this the wrong way, and his face broke out into a dopey smile.

He snatched Chizuki from the woman's arms, scurrying out of the way when the woman tried to get her back. In a childish act of defiance, the blonde man stuck out his tongue and blew her a raspberry.

"Did you see the way she patted my nose? She obviously likes me better!" He crowed, as the white haired woman chased him around the house.

"Taiyo! Give her back!"

_What a bunch of morons._

* * *

It was around the first month when her emotions started to get to her. Spite, pettiness, anger, sadness, longing. Goddammit, she just wanted to go back to her squad. So of course, with the most irrational reasoning and finger pointing that she had ever made, she took it out on the man and the woman. (She refused to call them mother and father)

She wanted to drive them up the wall, push them to the brink of insanity, make them regret that they ever had her in he first place. Because it was _their fault_ that she was here.

Regurgitation was common.

_I'm not swallowing that bowl of crap._

("HA! See?! I'm not the only one that hates vegetables!"

"Say that again, and I'm shoving this down your throat.")

Wailing loudly and giving them sleepless nights was also pretty common.

_What the fuck was that itch?_

("I didn't know that chakra coils developed this early."

"Well, now you know.")

Hurling her toys at them was for stress relief.

_I need catharsis._

("Do you see that accuracy?! That was from me!"

"I distinctly remember that _I_ was the weapons expert here.")

She was even tempted to release her pitifully small bladder when their friends tried to pick her up, but her pride as a full grown woman forbade her to.

After the first month of trying to mentally scar them from ever having children again, she finally snapped.

And those accursed emotions came into play, making tears well up in her eyes despite her best attempts to will them away. Then the guilt hit her like an angry warthog, making wails erupt from her throat. These were just normal parents that wanted a normal child, and she was being the bitchiest dickhead in the known universe.

_Oh hell._

"Having a bad day, eh, Yurei-chan?" The man chuckled. He picked her up and nuzzled her cheek. Chizuki's wailing dwindled down into sniffles.

_I should really get my act together._

She'll do anything to make it up to them, her...parents. Because she finally accepted that she was never going back. She'll miss her squad, those stupidly lovable boys that were almost family.

With blurred vision (_god dammit, I can't see through the tears_) Yurei - _not Chizuki anymore_ \- wrapped pudgy her arms around what she thought was his neck, and gave him a tearful hug.

_I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I'll make it up to you one day._

* * *

Yurei didn't know how many flies flew into her mouth when he took her out to the market. The village that she lived in was vaguely familiar. The 'Hokage Mountain' made Mount Rushmore look like some cheap rip off.

The people running across the roofs and defying gravity seemed normal according to her father's indifferent expression. She managed to eventually shut her slack jaw when he was approached by another 'shinobi'.

"Yo! Sakumo," He greeted the silver haired man. The man was also carrying a baby that curiously peeked over the shoulder of its father to stare at her.

_What are **you** looking at?_

The brat sniffed, and looked elsewhere.

_Well, fuck you too._

The kid didn't seem to like her. She was fine with that. She didn't like him either.

"Hello Taiyo," the man named Sakumo said. "I see that you've finally decided to show yourself after knocking up Shirohime."

"I wasn't hiding, I was too busy taking photos of my beloved wife." Yurei could actually see her father doing something ridiculous as skipping work just to immortalize her mother's pregnant figure. "Speaking of which, this is my daughter Yurei."

He lifted her out of her sling and held her up like she was Simba and he was Rafiki. Yurei was shoved into Sakumo's face, her father beaming with pride. She rolled her eyes, making a 'V' sign, also shoving her small fingers into his face.

Her father had made her rehearse this before, as he wanted an awesome introduction of his daughter to the world. He cackled at the stunned look on Sakumo's face, before she was returned to her comfortable sling.

Sakumo chuckled, lifting his own son from his sling. Their introduction wasn't as cool as hers.

"This is Kakashi."

Sakumo was holding the brat to close to her for her liking. The kid wrinkled his nose at her, lifting an arm hidden in rolls of fat, and slammed his squishy palm into her face.

_He dared...HE DARED?!_

And this Kakashi kid became her number one enemy.

* * *

A year after finding out that the universe seemed to ignore the laws of physics and meeting her arch nemisis, Yurei found a mirror and spotted her reflection before nearly shitting a brick.

_What the fuck is this shit?_

She blinked and slapped herself with a pudgy hand, just to be sure. The reflection copied her.

_Heterochromia Iridium._

White hair, pale skin, blue left eye, green right eye.

No wonder her parents named her 'Ghost'. Yurei looked as if she had walked out of a horror story and de-aged into a child.

Being an infant was incredibly boring, and perhaps she could use her creepy appearance to her advantage.

For the meantime, she was being babysat by a group of green 'genins' fresh out of the academy. Her mother had gone back on duty as a 'chunin' after her maternity leave, and her father was out on a mission, which left her home alone with three brats. The 'jonin' didn't even have the decency to stick around and supervise them.

Yurei absolutely loved the look of horror on their face when she went missing for a certain amount of time.

_Payback's a bitch._

She would sneak off to her nooks and crannies that she had found, when she explored her house several months ago when she had gained the ability to crawl, then walk.

One moment she was sitting on the floor in front of the three genin lounging on the couch, the next minute she was hiding in the cupboard under the kitchen sink, watching them scramble about tearing the place down looking for her. Their jonin sensei walked into the room that very moment, and boy did he not look impressed. Ordering them to clean their mess up, he strode over to the cupboard, and plucked her up by the hem of her onesie. She let out a childish giggle.

_I guess being a kid again has its perks._

She heard the little brats call her a 'Devil child' and a 'Demon baby'. They must have spread the word, because now she was the D-rank with horror levels on par with Tora the cat.

She stole real and very sharp kunai and shuriken, and was found playing with the sharp blades ("Who the hell gave her that?!"). She disappeared for several hours on end, and was found sleeping on the roof ("How the fuck did she get up there?"). There was one time when she just stared at the genin team with her mismatched eyes, unnerving them to the point of hysterics ("Dammit, stop looking at me!"). To sum it up, Yurei was a very naughty baby.

Several genin teams had left her house traumatised, and Yurei administered one particular team to the hospital on the verge of a heart attack, and unhealthy levels of high blood pressure.

Boredom was a very powerful thing.

* * *

**AN: And the rewrite is up! Tell me what you think in a review.**


	2. Chapter 2

_Shimizu Masato. Big, strong, intimidating and a quiet guy. He was the living definition of tall, dark and deadly._

_Ishida Roku. Loud, incredibly fast, had excellent aim, and was an outspoken twat._

_Fujimoto Asahi. Remarkably stealthy, young and a timid boy. _

_This was fireteam six, and Shiba Chizuki had no idea why she was put in charge._

_"__Um…hi?" She waved at her new squad._

_Masato didn't say anything, giving her a once over. Asahi shyly waved back…_

_"__Who the fuck are you?" _

_And Roku was a brat._

* * *

When she was three, Yurei learned about her nearly extinct clan.

"We are the Akumu," He father had said to her. "We are the nightmare clan…and we're sort of scattered all over the continent."

"Nightmare clan?" She had asked, curiosity peaked.

_If that doesn't sound badass, I don't know what does._

He nodded, deciding that it was time for her to learn her heritage. "The Akumu were a very diverse clan, much like the Uzumaki."

"How so?"

"The Uzumaki had a powerful life-force, giving them tremendous stamina, large reserves of chakra, vitality and longevity. Some have regeneration, sensory prowess and chakra chains. Most of them were born with a talent for fuinjutsu.

The Akumu on the other hand, are considered the closest clan to the dead and afterlife. Our clan has several variations of Kekkei Genkai. Some of our clansmen can summon skeletons to do their bidding, we call this **Yatsufusa **(March of the dead). Others can see and interact with the recently deceased, also known as **Obake no me **(Eyes of the haunted), and some can phase through objects like phantoms, which is **Mukei **(Intangible)."

Yurei and listened with wide eyes and a gaping jaw. She already knew what she wanted. Having a skeletal sidekick would prove to further bring wonders to her reputation as a demon child.

_Holy fucking shit. My family is OP._

"However, having such abilities, we do have glaring weaknesses. Yatsufusa requires massive amounts of chakra that most Akumu cannot summon more than one or two at a time. Obake no me drove more than half of its users insane, and Mukei users can get lost in the void."

Her father gestures to himself.

"I have Yatsufusa." The man then casually stomps his foot, cracking the earth beneath him. Yurei then got to watch skeletal hands burst forth from the chasm in the ground, as a skeleton hauled its ass out of the floor to stand beside her father. "As you can see, it gives me an extra comrade. Meet Kokkaku."

_Bones? Real creative Dad._

The skeleton gives a cheerful wave, and her father dismisses it, letting it sink back into the earth in which it came from.

"When an Akumu turns three, its tradition to find out which of the Kekkei Genkai that they possess," he explains as he lays three identical looking stones in front of her. They looked remarkably like skipping stones, and her hands itched to throw them across the small pond in her backyard. As if sensing her thoughts, her father swatted her over the head with a mock scowl before pointing at the assembled rocks. "Pick one."

Her eyes skimmed over them, before snatching the last one on her left before scrambling to her feet and making her way to the backyard. She didn't get very far when her father grabbed her by the collar of her shirt and dropping her back onto the couch. He pried her fingers off the stone and turned it over, showing the character for 'Void'. It was glowing blue, and Yurei was unimpressed with the supposed fortune-telling stone. He flipped the other stones over, showing the characters for 'Skull' and 'Eye' that _weren't_ glowing.

"Well," he said. "It looks like you have Mukei."

* * *

A year passed and she turned four. It was also the time that she had to attend the academy, and coincidently (or not) was the next time she saw her arch nemesis. The ceremony began with the Hokage talking about the Will of fire, which she tuned out (she knows propaganda when she sees it). There was some dude in front of her with silver hair that looked like the back of a porcupine. It was a very in-your-face sort of thing that was very hard to ignore, so Yurei stared at it for the entire speech.

It was absolutely fascinating.

When the ceremony finished, the boy with the spikey silver hair turned around, and she recognized him immediately.

_The hair, the mask, __**even the **__**holier-than-thou expression was the same**__._

And the first thing she said to young Kakashi since their initial meeting three years ago was a venomous, _"__**You**__."_

He gave her a startled look, before narrowing his gaze at her.

"Do I know you?"

Yurei spluttered.

_What a fucking brat! _

"Let me refresh your memory."

And then she high-fived him in the face. Really, _really, __**really**_ hard. He returned the favor with a swift punch to the stomach, in which she paid him back with a kick in the balls.

This was how Yurei started her first fist fight with Hatake Kakashi…right in front of the Hokage.

* * *

"Do you see that Sakumo! She's making friends! I'm _so proud_," Taiyo preened, as he watched his daughter from the rooftop of the academy.

Sakumo sighed in nostalgia. "Doesn't it remind you of _our_ first fist fight?"

"Yeah. I trounced you."

"…That's not how I remember it."

"You wanna go Sakumo?!"

"Oh, _it is on_ Taiyo."

* * *

Yurei figured that it must have looked really vicious for a school yard brawl. Like _really_ vicious…for a couple of four year olds. Kakashi was yanking on her hair and she was inches away from plunging her index and middle fingers into his eyes when they were interrupted with a cough. They both turned to look up at the Hokage, who seemed to be rather entertained at their situation.

She said, "Do you need something Oji-san?" the same time Kakashi said, "Hokage-sama!"

He then hurriedly shoved her off him and hastily bowed. Yurei dusted off her pants before doing a much shallower bow.

"Shouldn't you be lining up with your class now Hatake-kun? Akumu-chan?" He asked in amusement.

The duo sneered at each other before making their way towards the other children.

Since there was a whole lot of shinobi hopefuls, they were assessing the children and placing them into groups according to their skill set. Imagine her delight when she found out that the assessment was a knock-out match against other children. Now seeing that said children weren't mentally reborn adults, most of them just cried when they got hurt. The ones that didn't were mostly clan kids which were few and far between.

It didn't really matter to Yurei, because she only had one specific person in mind to defeat. She had one eye on Kakashi and the other on her opponent, which made her look like some demented chameleon. She thought she might have scared some of the other kids off (her impromptu match with Kakashi just before the start of class also helped).

She rather enthusiastically attempted to continue where they left off the moment Kakashi stepped into the ring. The feeling appeared to be mutual. Yurei wasn't really paying attention to anything else other than smashing Kakashi's face in. Sadly, it wasn't going as well as she hoped.

Most of the spars that day looked vaguely like the deadly dances that they were supposed to be in the future (except Yurei who one-punch-KO-ed the people that were getting in her way of victory), but the match between Yurei and her self-proclaimed-soon-to-be-reciprocated-nemesis was more of a slugfest.

Kakashi was the first to draw blood, punching her hard in the jaw and splitting her lip, knocking out a few teeth along the way. Yurei retaliated by breaking his nose. He dislocated her left shoulder. She gave him a black eye. This went on and on, until the proctors got sick of watching two kids beating each other up and the match was declared a draw.

She high-fived him one last time in the face for good measure as the proctor pulled them apart, and felt satisfied when an imprint of her hand was left behind. The proctor dumped them in the infirmary while the other kids went home early for the day.

"Do you remember me now?" Yurei asked, voice sounding weird due to her missing teeth.

The kid with a silver porcupine for hair looked at her with one swollen eye.

"Nope."

The nurses had to strap both of them to the bed before they attempted to kill each other. Again.

* * *

In another hospital not far from the academy, a similar scene occurred.

"Hey Sakumo?" Said Akumu Taiyo, painkillers making his voice slightly dopey as he laid on the hospital cot, staring at the ceiling.

"Hm?" Came the answer from the bed beside his.

"Do you think that we're forgetting something?"

* * *

It's been three hours since everyone left. It's been three hours of glaring murderously at Kakashi. It's been three hours of trying to escape the straps that the nurses put on them.

_Where on God's green earth is my father?_

As if summoned from her thoughts, daddy dearest smashed through the wall beside her bed, looking higher than the helium balloon she let go of on her first birthday.

_Huh…what is he taking and where can I get some? _

"Yurei-chan~," he cooed. "I came _early_ to pick you up from the academy." He giggled, completely oblivious to the fact that everyone left several hours prior to his arrival. Kakashi looked on incredulously, wondering if he was the last sane person in the room. Another figure stepped through the hole in the wall, and the boy brightened considerably.

"Taiyo, we shouldn't break walls. It makes the Hime angry," the man said in a stage whisper. Kakashi face-faulted as his father acted like he was just as inebriated as the man that came before him.

"Kashi?" The silver haired man squinted at his son. "What the hell happened to you?"

He pointed at her.

For one reason or another, her father started laughing.

"See? Like father like son. You just can't beat us."

Sakumo's eyes narrowed. "Excuse me? I just kicked your ass across the Hokage Mountain and back."

"I think you were mistaking my butt for _yours_," her father taunted. "Yurei-chan's gonna blow your kid out of the water."

"You must be going blind. Clearly _Kakashi_ is going to graduate first."

"Is that a challenge I hear?"

"What? Too scared that your princess is going to lose?"

"Sakumo, _Sakumo_. You are walking on a _very thin_ line."

As they bickered, Yurei wiggled around in her straps, trying to shimmy out.

"I'm going to train Kakashi _till he drops_."

"Yurei-chan can take him any day."

Suddenly, the doors of the infirmary slammed open, and an infuriated Slug Sannin stood at there in all her you-are-going-to-pay glory. "You little shits!" She hissed, the door knob being crushed beneath her fingers. "Do you know how much property damage you've done to _my_ hospital and _my_ infirmary?!"

The men glanced at each other, then at their children, then at an angry Tsunade. Both of them still had enough of their inhibitions to grab their children (along with the entire cot as there was no time to unstrap the kids) and make a run for it through the hole in the wall.

"HATAKE! AKUMU! GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE AND FIX THIS WALL!" Her father blew a raspberry at Tsunade and had to dodge a chunk of concrete that she threw in return.

It was then Yurei decided, that she really, really, really wanted whatever it was her father took, to go as wild as he did back there.

It was _awesome_.

"Hey Tou-san?"

"Yeeees?"

"Can you unstrap me now?"


End file.
